waynegoh's Xanga

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 16:35:07 GMT

Darling, this is for you

For all I've been blessed with in this life
There was an emptiness in me
I was imprisoned by the power of gold
With one honest touch you set me free

Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you

For every mountain I have climbed
And ever raging river crossed
You were the treasure that I longed to find
Without you love I would be lost

Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you
In this life, I was loved by you

And would that I would live forever
But forever I'll be loving you

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 11:20:47 GMT

People change, and I thought a female friend of mine looked more sophisticated, mature and confident after having met up less than a handful of times in the past five years, it almost felt like meeting a whole new person. I guess it was fair to say that she caught my eye. However, she was already in a relationship, albeit an unhappy one and she went on and on the whole night about her grievances. As much as I disliked doing it, I secretly predicted that their relationship would come to an end, probably in the next few months. Anyway, we had a great night at the club and promised to catch up soon.

Not surprisingly, she got dumped in March, unwillingly, and exclaimed to the world that she was single again. Perhaps this should have been the cue for me to jump in and announce my arrival. However, I felt that I had to focus on my upcoming examinations to pull my GPA up, at least to a third class and then from there perhaps climb to second lower, especially after I withdrew from one examination last semester and will retake it next semester. In addition, I felt that there was a risk of "rebound relationship":

A "rebound relationship" is one in which a person becomes overly quick to commit to a new partner after having experienced an upsetting breakup or divorce. People who have breakups and then immediatley involved themselves with someone else seem to feel the need to prove to themselves they are worthy of love and affection. They may miss the comfort and affection of a regular relationship. But whatever the reason is, it is a selfish reason, one that is based on serving the self esteem and satisfying feeling of personal worth. "Someone loves me and needs me." It can also be to affirm "I wasn't at fault in the breakup, this relationship will prove that." Most of these rebound relationships are not permanent, and they can be even more destructive than the earlier breakup. rom wiki.answers.com

After my examinations, with more than seven months ahead of me before I start scouring for job, (I do it immediately if I didn have a withdrawn module to account for) I did some reflecting as to the best possible use of the time ahead. The best answer I could come up with was to enter a relationship and solidify it, together with the ongoing maintenance of relationships with loved ones and friends. Thus, the first concrete thing I did was to throw her a birthday celebratory dinner, on Monday. We had a great time from the start, until she had confessed to having a new boyfriend in the midst of a conversation. It sounded like a whisper in comparison to her energetic talking. Of course, she did not dwell much on him, apart from briefly complain about the lengthy periods of time he was unable to spend with her. This does not seem fair, I wish I at least had some advance warning, given the frequency of our chats. My jaw dropped and I hurriedly picked it up. At that point in time, a few things raced through my mind, I could find an excuse to end the night early, gorge myself on the free-flow sake or get through with it all. I made the third choice and I guess we enjoyed each other company and left more than three hours after we came.

The next day, with some prompting from me, she claimed that she was not aware of my feelings and that she only regarded me as a close friend whom she did not wish to lose contact with (the same close friend who met her an average of less than a year from 2002-2006). It was quite blurry, somehow expected, given that she currently has a boyfriend and has to pick her words correctly.

Nevertheless, I hope that she happy, her relationship works out and that her predictable birthday wish is fulfilled. If fate would have it, our paths will cross again in the near future, after all, they just did after 4-5 years.

And there was the small matter of my examination results, released on the same day. The results were just within my expectations, but I feel lost and numb. I hollow, so hollow. I so, I so, I so hollow.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 22:32:25 GMT

I am at a loss for words. For quite possibly the first time in my life, I focused on my studies during the examination period. While I obtained results commensurate with my efforts, I realised that I lost the opportunity for something I wanted more dearly.

Perhaps more to follow about this...

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 12:37:52 GMT

Is there truth in the enduring belief that (literary) genius is allied to madness?

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 13:59:21 GMT

Several researchers, including Kay Redfield Jamison and Nancy Andreasen, have attempted to find out whether there is truth in the during belief that genius is allied to madness. Eight famous American poets, Hart Crane, Theodore Roethke, Delmore Schwartz, John Barryman, Randall Jarrell, Robert Lowell, Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath, many of whom won the coveted Pulitzer Prize, had documented histories of Manic-Depressive illnesses. All almost certainly had bipolar disorder and many committed suicide. These eight poets are among the thirty-six born in the 20th century who are represented in The New Oxford Book Of American Verse, a collection reserved for the most distinguished poets in the country. It is certainly striking that about 20% of these poets exhibited bipolar disorders, given the population prevalence of slightly less than 1%;, but F.K. Goodwin and Jamison think that 20% is probably a conservative estimate, because the twenty-eight remaining poets have not been studied in sufficient detail to determine whether they also suffered from bipolar disorder. Andreasen reported similar results in a study of thirty creative writers, and Kaufman observed that this effect was far more common in female poets even when compared to other artists or leaders. Why female poets in particular? Kaufman and Baer wonder if the independent and sometimes rebellious qualities associated with creativity might be more stressful in a society that puts demands on women to be supportive and affiliative.

Many artists and writers, whether suspected of mood disorders or not, speak of periods of inspiration when thought processes quicken, moods lift and new associations are generated. Perhaps something inherent in manic states fosters creativity. On the other hand, it is possible that the genetic vulnerability to mood disorders is independently accompanied by a predisposition to creativity. In other words, the genetic patterns associated with bipolar disorder may also carry the spark of creativity. These ideas are little more than speculations at present, but the study of creativity and leadership, so highly valued in all cultures, may well be enhanced by a deeper understanding of "madness".

References:

Barlow, D.H. and Durand, M.V. (2005) ood Disorders and Suicide? Abnormal Psychology : An Integrative Approach, Thomson Wadsworth

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 12:16:53 GMT

I currently have almost zero motivation to "blog" at the moment after being drained by some mammoth assignments, including a 4000-word report, and some skeletons are best left in the closet.

Quite an entertaining e-mail about the England VS Israel game

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 04:12:31 GMT

What an embarrassment, I really hate being English some nights! Where's the passion, creativity and Jamie Carragher's ability to pass forward? To me watching England has become like having a really fit, but frigid girlfriend, everyone else is jealous cos she looks great but what they don't realise is that she does f*ck all to please you when the action starts. You cant dump she's too fit, and there's always that possibility that she might one day come good, but you know deep down its a lost cause.

And the frustration, my god, if there was a football equivalent of w**king I'd be at it after every England game, just to relieve all the tension built up after an hour and a half of bloody foreplay!

Cut the crap and get to the good stuff, even if you don't win at least put the effort into the performance so that I can enjoy it!
Pete (wishing for either a bird or a decent england performance), Aldershot

Courtesy of www.football365.com

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 07:44:59 GMT

Food review of Kuishin-Bo:

http://www.hungrygowhere.com/restaurant_details.php?recordid=596#review

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 06:14:39 GMT

Food review by me of a seafood restaurant:

http://www.hungrygowhere.com/restaurant_details.php?recordid=1274

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 09:57:12 GMT

I am a lazy arse, one week after moving in, I have yet to unpack. The bulk of my belongings, mostly books, are just strewn on the floor. There is hardly any space available to walk. I did at least organise my clothes though, neatly hung on the racks.

There is hardly anything at home, no bed, no tables, no chairs, no internet, no everything, just the racks, which were mine to begin with. Sounds bare, but it has been like that for the past week and nothing has been bought, since my father has not moved in yet.

I do not mind sleeping on the floor, it seems to restrict the number of hours of slumber. I quite prefer the width afforded as compared to single beds. Although I have had better quality of sleep, I am currently fine with what am I getting.

My father concern for me when we shop for furniture is a bed. My priority right now would be a study desk and perhaps a bookshelf or two. I wanted to pick those up before we go shopping but they would set me back at least $300 and I am broke at the moment. Maybe I should set up a Paypal donation link, but looking at the meagre number of hits my site gets, any potential donations would probably not be enough even for a side table.

Oh well, at least one the items classified in the  cannot live without?category has arrived, in the form of an internet connection.