People change, and I thought a female friend of mine looked more sophisticated, mature and confident after having met up less than a handful of times in the past five years, it almost felt like meeting a whole new person. I guess it was fair to say that she caught my eye. However, she was already in a relationship, albeit an unhappy one and she went on and on the whole night about her grievances. As much as I disliked doing it, I secretly predicted that their relationship would come to an end, probably in the next few months. Anyway, we had a great night at the club and promised to catch up soon.

Not surprisingly, she got dumped in March, unwillingly, and exclaimed to the world that she was single again. Perhaps this should have been the cue for me to jump in and announce my arrival. However, I felt that I had to focus on my upcoming examinations to pull my GPA up, at least to a third class and then from there perhaps climb to second lower, especially after I withdrew from one examination last semester and will retake it next semester. In addition, I felt that there was a risk of "rebound relationship":

A "rebound relationship" is one in which a person becomes overly quick to commit to a new partner after having experienced an upsetting breakup or divorce. People who have breakups and then immediatley involved themselves with someone else seem to feel the need to prove to themselves they are worthy of love and affection. They may miss the comfort and affection of a regular relationship. But whatever the reason is, it is a selfish reason, one that is based on serving the self esteem and satisfying feeling of personal worth. "Someone loves me and needs me." It can also be to affirm "I wasn't at fault in the breakup, this relationship will prove that." Most of these rebound relationships are not permanent, and they can be even more destructive than the earlier breakup. rom wiki.answers.com

After my examinations, with more than seven months ahead of me before I start scouring for job, (I do it immediately if I didn have a withdrawn module to account for) I did some reflecting as to the best possible use of the time ahead. The best answer I could come up with was to enter a relationship and solidify it, together with the ongoing maintenance of relationships with loved ones and friends. Thus, the first concrete thing I did was to throw her a birthday celebratory dinner, on Monday. We had a great time from the start, until she had confessed to having a new boyfriend in the midst of a conversation. It sounded like a whisper in comparison to her energetic talking. Of course, she did not dwell much on him, apart from briefly complain about the lengthy periods of time he was unable to spend with her. This does not seem fair, I wish I at least had some advance warning, given the frequency of our chats. My jaw dropped and I hurriedly picked it up. At that point in time, a few things raced through my mind, I could find an excuse to end the night early, gorge myself on the free-flow sake or get through with it all. I made the third choice and I guess we enjoyed each other company and left more than three hours after we came.

The next day, with some prompting from me, she claimed that she was not aware of my feelings and that she only regarded me as a close friend whom she did not wish to lose contact with (the same close friend who met her an average of less than a year from 2002-2006). It was quite blurry, somehow expected, given that she currently has a boyfriend and has to pick her words correctly.

Nevertheless, I hope that she happy, her relationship works out and that her predictable birthday wish is fulfilled. If fate would have it, our paths will cross again in the near future, after all, they just did after 4-5 years.

And there was the small matter of my examination results, released on the same day. The results were just within my expectations, but I feel lost and numb. I hollow, so hollow. I so, I so, I so hollow.